Charmer/ Abusers and their 'Prey'

by **Marnie** Thu Jun 04, 2009 2:34 pm

http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2008/10/charmer-abusers-and-their-prey.html

Obviously,
we want to know how we ever get caught up in a spiderweb in the first
place. If we were conscious of what we were doing, we would not be
doing it. Or at least, a great number of us would not be doing it. This
personality that I refer to as Charmer/Abuser.

You need to view a charmer/abuser
as someone who probably does not have the same values as you at all.
They are a chameleon because it serves their purpose. They quickly "put
on" whatever "you are" and "need" in order to use you for whatever they
need from you. They are, indeed, a great sales person. The kind that
"does not" repel you in the beginning, but instead, almost magically
draws you closer and closer and closer very quickly. How do they gain
entrance into your life? Read the following and take the time to look
back over your life. There is opportunity here for life changes.

A charmer/abuser looks for victims with the following characteristics (just one will do):

low self-esteem,
a past with a lot of trauma,
neediness,
abusive parent(s),
fairy tale type thinking (i.e. - everyone has "some good" in them),
maybe even someone with a little rebelliousness (to some degree...),
or a history of relationships with men that were abusive

They
listen intently to you, as you, voluntarily tell them your innermost
thoughts, secrets, deep hurts and dreams. They quickly assimilate from
this what kind of camouflage to weave "for you". You basically tell
them what to become, in order that they might hide who they really are
from you... while erecting the man of your dreams right before your
eyes. While they may not come over completely to your way of thinking
about everything, they will agree with you on certain things that are
very important to you. For example, if you have been abused in your
life, they will assume the position of "protector" and will be a great
empathizer regarding your pain, at least in the beginning...